Jane and Mark used to have a regular sex life. After eight years of marriage, they usually found time to have sex once or twice a week, despite all the pressure Jane had in her job. But when she started to face new challenges at work and didn't feel Mark's support with the domestic work, her desire for sex almost disappeared. She gave in to Mark's insinuations for sex once a month, but usually avoided the ocassion. She went early to bed, argued that she had a headache or that she was tired, but after rejecting him many times she felt she should please him once in a while for the sake of the relationship. She felt sorry for Mark because she could feel his pain with every failed attempt to initiate sex and at the same time she was angry with him for pushing her to comply with his advances without even try to fix what was really going wrong with the relationship.
How many times have we heard dead bed stories like the one of Jane and Mark? These stories are very common and they usually pose a great challenge for the relationship. The situation is not quite easy, neither for the one that avoids sex nor for the one who demands it. There is a lot of pain going on in the relationships, and the self-esteem of both parties suffers. They ask themselves if the other person still cares or loves them. There is one more ingredient that adds more tension to this situation: our inability to talk openly about our sex disatisfaction with our partner. It is important to talk, not to find out who is guilty, but to understand what is happening in the relationship and the causes behind this dead bed situation.
Avoindance and isolation won't bring any solution. Ignoring the issue will make the problem stronger and can increase the chances that something solvable becomes unsolvable. Sex is supposed to bring intimacy to the couple but on the opposite side sex can become a painful issue for the relationship.
Is it possible to revive passion and leave behind the dead bed issue?
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